Over the years, I've watched more than a few friends go through difficult surgeries for their children. Now it's our turn. Thankfully, Andrew's operation is not life-threatening and will hopefully improve his quality of life. Still, as I type, Andrew is lying beside me in his hospital bed following a six hour spinal fusion procedure to correct his scoliosis. He was just moved from ICU to a "regular" room and is making progress. Still, it really stinks. He is in extreme pain and truly miserable. Hates the hospital, despite wonderful doctors and nurses, and really just wants to go home. We're doing the best we can to help him heal, but time is really the key element here. The following tips also help and were gleaned from friends and family prior to undertaking this surgery on Tuesday:
1. Second and third opinions are vital. After Andrew's orthopedist recommended surgery, we met with three surgeons at two hospitals and researched extensively online. Each discussion helped us learn something new that ultimately enabled us to make a good decision about how to proceed. Andrew was involved every step of the way, since it's his body and his life.
2. Questions are your friend. A good pediatric specialist, in my opinion, needs to be able to answer the concerns of his patient and that person's parents. Being able to perform the surgery is not enough. Ask questions in the consultation, before surgery, and during recovery. You are your child's advocate throughout this experience and need to be assertive if you don't understand or agree with something.
3. Maintain the status quo at home. We've brought in reinforcements to help with our other two children while Andrew is in the hospital. Friends, family, even paid caretakers. All are involved in an attempt to keep up our "normal" routine for the other kids. This surgery is taking over our life and Andrew's, but it shouldn't highjack that of his sister and brother.
4. Ask for help and accept it willingly. I feel strange saying "yes" to people when they offer to help take care of my family and me. Still, they offer because they want to, and I'm learning to let them. It feels good to lie down and rest instead of sweating over meal prep. Lean on people and let them lighten your load. If I can do this, anyone can.
5. Take pictures. Andrew's surgery is elective, so we're trying to make this a positive experience for him and our family. Documenting key steps in the process seems like a good thing to do and will hopefully help him reflect on this over time. He hasn't smiled post-op, but we're waiting for the big day. That will be one great photo opp.
